Beautifully Shattered (The Beautifully Series Book 1) Read online

  Connor pulls me into his arms first. “You’re going to pay for this,” I threaten into his ear.

  Connor turns away from my scowling face to see Logan and Jax saying goodbye to Kohen. “Sorry, but Jax was over when you texted me,” he whispers.

  “And what happened?” I whisper back.

  He rubs his hand through his hair. “Because once he saw your name, he stole my phone and the next thing I know we’re on our way here. Your brother came over just in time to tag along.”

  “You couldn’t have stopped them?”

  “Look, I’m sorry. I thought it would be better if I dragged Logan here with me so it wouldn’t just be you two and Jax.” He gives me his puppy dog pouting lips.

  I hate how easily it is for me to sympathize for him. With his pouty lips and sad eyes it’s hard to stay mad at Connor and he knows it. He uses this look every chance he gets. Each and every time I fall for it. Even when we were kids.

  I nod so that he knows I’m no longer mad at him before hugging my brother. Jax steps back as I move over to him. I sit down, feeling more than awkward. He doesn’t deserve a hug. He’s the reason why I’m on what can only be described as the worst date in history.

  “Really?” Jax asks with his arms open.

  Who does he think he is? He’s the one who just stepped back when I went to give him a hug and now he’s demanding one?

  I ignore him. “Bye,” I say only to my brother and Connor.

  Jax surprises me by sitting back down and telling Kohen, “Sorry for crashing your date. I had to make sure your intentions were good. I promise we won’t crash the next one.” I can’t help but notice that there isn’t an ounce of jealously seeping through his voice. Maybe I imagined the jealousy earlier? I mask my disappointment with a smile.

  “Assuming there’s a next one,” I accidentally say out loud.

  There’s no point in pretending when there isn’t a spark between us. Kohen was a fun distraction before the guys showed up, I’ll give him that.

  “Oh, there will be,” Kohen says with a twinkle in his eyes.

  Jax turns and gives me his full attention. “Are you ever going to forgive me?” he asks sweetly.

  So sweetly I almost break. Key word . . . almost. Then I realize he’s asking about more than just tonight. Maybe it’s wishful thinking on my part, but I honestly believe he’s asking if I’ll ever forgive him for not stepping up. That’s something I can’t forgive. Instead of saying exactly that, I play along more for the benefit of everyone else.

  “That depends . . . can you honestly tell me that you wouldn’t do this again?”

  He doesn’t even seem a little guilty when he answers, “Nope.”

  Fixing my eyes solely on his, I abandon my mask so he can see I’m talking about more than tonight. “Then nope, sorry Jax, that’s just something I can’t forgive. Pretending just doesn’t do it for me.”

  Connor attempts to break the tension bubbling between us. Too bad his joke is told to deaf ears. The only thing I can hear is my heart beating too rapidly. Something that happens quite often when I’m near The God.

  Connor and Logan linger around our table, clearly ready to take off, but Jax doesn’t notice. As much as I know giving into him will make Jax leave, I can’t. I stand my guard. “How can I possibly forgive something that you don’t even realize that you’re doing?”

  Jax stretches his arm and drapes it over my shoulder. I notice Kohen tense in my peripheral. “Stop speaking riddles and tell me what’s wrong.”

  I want to scream in frustration. I want to scream that he’s the problem. I want to shout that I love him. Instead I say, “Let’s just pretend I said I forgive you so you’ll leave me to my handsome date.” I give Kohen the same sweet smile Jax gave me seconds ago.

  “Ads—” He starts, but stops. I would give anything to know what he’s thinking right now.

  Jax pulls me into his side and kisses the top of my head. My entire body is on fire. All I want is Jax. Kohen tenses again so I pull away. So not cool to have another guy kiss me even if it’s as innocent as Jax kissing the top of my head. Which if I’m being honest with myself, I wish the kiss was anything but innocent.

  “Bye Jax,” I say breathlessly.

  Looking directly at Kohen he says, “Bye Ads. See you tomorrow night.”

  I rub the bridge of my nose. Only Jax would act like an ass when he crashes my date. Games. That’s all this is to him. Since the beginning, all I’ve ever been is a game to him. I finally go out on a date and he crashes it just because he can. Jax believes he can do whatever he pleases. I wish I could tell myself that I’m done with him and his games, but that would be the biggest lie. I doubt I’ll ever give up hope on us.

  “Ignore him,” I tell Kohen once they leave.

  “Well tonight didn’t go as I expected.”

  I force out a laugh, understatement of the year.

  “It was still amazing though,” Kohen goes on. “I can’t wait to take you out again, Ads.”

  “Adalynn,” I say automatically.

  “I’m sorry, I just thought since Jax called you Ads and your brother and Connor call you Addie that you prefer a nickname.”

  Why couldn’t I just keep my mouth shut? “Sorry it’s just . . . just something that only Jax can call me.” So not true, but I don’t want to dwell on the fact that the only other person who can call me Ads is dead.

  Kohen studies the dessert menu. “It’s okay, Adalynn,” he says quietly.

  He sounds as if I wounded him. I can’t even pretend to care. Ads is off-limits to everyone, that will never change. It’s better for him to accept this now.

  “I’m sorry, it’s something I can’t really explain. You can call me whatever you want, just not Ads.”

  “And will you ever tell me why? If not, it’s okay.”

  For some unknown reason, I tell him as much of the truth as I can. “There’s stuff about me that you don’t know, things that are too heavy for a first date.”

  “Heavier than my mom?”

  I can only nod.

  “Okay, so Ads is off the table. Don’t worry I’ll think of a nickname for you that only I can use.”

  “I would like that.” I lie because I have no idea what to say.

  The waitress surprises Kohen by informing us that the check has already been paid. I would have been surprised if Logan didn’t pay it, he can’t help himself. Kohen’s jaw tightens and his gaze becomes hard for a second before he relaxes and is back to the sweet man he was a second ago. I ignore that he’s bothered by my brother paying for our meal. I shake my head. Men. No wonder why us women are the superior sex.

  When we get back into the car, the wine kicks in and I’m struggling to keep my eyes open. About a block away from the restaurant, Kohen reaches over and start to run his fingers over my hand.

  Suddenly Kohen is taking my off seatbelt. I realize that we’re back in the parking garage. Crap, I slept the entire ride home, I’m the world’s worst date.

  “Sorry I didn’t realize that I was so tired,” I say as Kohen helps me out of the car.

  He brushes the hair from my face and gives me a quick peck on the lips. “There, all better.”

  All I can do is stare wide-eyed at him. I can’t believe he just kissed me. I touch my still, tingling lips. I’ve only ever had Jax’s lips on mine. I feel as if I betrayed what we had somehow. I follow Kohen to the elevator banks on the ground floor of the parking lot. When it arrives, he holds his hand in front of the doors and lets me go in first. He presses the button for my floor.

  Not wanting to do the awkward goodbye at my door, I stand on my tiptoes, and kiss him on the cheek. “Thanks for tonight,” I whisper into his ear before walking out of the elevator and down the hallway to my apartment.

  I unlock my door and throw my clutch at the wall. Tonight didn’t go as planned. At least Liv will be happy. She’ll be thrilled with all the changes in my life: the camera, the date, sticking up for myself. That’s something, I guess.
I wish I could at least fake happiness, but my mood is anything but happy. I feel more disappointed with tonight’s events. I was sure Jax would be raging in jealousy. I need to stop expecting too much from him.

  I stumble to my bedroom. Too exhausted to wash my face, I strip out of my clothes and crawl into bed naked. Curled up in bed, I think about everything that Kohen said to me. I know it must have taken a lot to open up about his mom, especially in front of the boys. The trust that he has given me tonight makes me want to throw up.

  I used him to make someone jealous and he’s genuinely interested in me. I have to be the worst person in the history of the world.

  Chapter Seven

  I wipe my sweaty forehead before I toss the paper towel in the trashcan. The rich fragrance of sweets fill the hot air. I love the back room, well except for tonight, as the air-conditioner stopped working an hour ago. Thank goodness it was close to closing, or customers would not have wanted to eat their treats here on this humid June evening.

  “Bye guys,” I say to Sam and Clark before leaving.

  “Bye sweetie,” Sam yells back.

  Clark rushes over in his white apron with the twins’ handprints on it and gives me a hug. “Those new cupcakes are amazing. And that frosting . . . Mmm, it’s to die for. One of these days I’m going to force you to show me your magic.” He squeezes my hand. “Seriously, Addie, you have a wonderful gift in the kitchen. Sam is adding them to the menu!”

  “That’s great!”

  His beard tickles my face as he embraces me. “Bye, dollface,” he says before returning to the back to finish cleaning.

  I hail down a taxi so I can ambush the guys at Logan’s while they’re working out in his home gym. My ire rises the longer I sit in the backseat, thinking about last night’s events.

  I pace the lobby as I wait for the elevator. I won’t be surprised if I leave an indentation in the hardwood floor from pacing back and forth in the same spot. I wish that I had restraint over my temper, but there’s no use. I’m crackling with anger. I’m thankful that all three of them work out together.

  I march into his foyer, making my presence known when I shout for my brother. I hear him hastily coming down the stairs. I lean against the wall while I wait for him.

  He holds his hands up in surrender. “Look, that wasn’t my idea. I didn’t even know you were going to be there when we left.”

  I fold my arms over my chest. “Really? You expect me to believe that you, my overprotective brother, who needs help I might add, didn’t know I was going to be there with Kohen? Oh please, Logan, give me some credit, this has your name written all over it! I can’t believe that you would allow Jax to go this far.”

  He grins even wider now. “Come on, Addie, you know I wouldn’t actually crash your date. I do have limits.”

  “Yeah, the only limit you have is not putting a GPS tracker in me.”

  “Only because that would be illegal.”

  I shove him hard but he doesn’t move so I punch him in the shoulder. “OH MY GOD! You’re unbelievable! I’m mad at you.”

  “Yes, but not for long, you can never be mad at your favorite brother, remember.” I hate that he’s right I’m not mad at him anymore. “Honestly, though, Addie, it wasn’t my idea. Jax said he wanted pizza and was out the door before I could even finish opening it. The only choice I had was to follow. Besides, it’s not like I knew you were going to be there. I was just as surprised as you.”

  “You really didn’t know?” I ask, my temper gone. Well, more on a low simmer until I find Jax.

  “If I knew you were going to be there with a date, I wouldn’t have gone. I truly do have limits, not much of them, but I still have them.”

  “Right, you draw the line at tracking devices.”

  “Because they’re illegal,” he says with a chuckle. “This all could have been avoided if you just told me about the date.”

  My anger is nearly nonexistent until my dear brother opens his fat mouth again. “You have to admit, it was pretty hilarious that we crashed your date though.” He actually fucking laughs as if it’s funny. I’m not laughing. “The way you ‘accidentally’ poured wine all over Jax.” More snickering. “The kick to the shin was a little much though, sis.”

  And just like that I’m fuming all over again.

  “A little much? A little much!” I shout. “Do you know how stupid I felt with you guys there? You’re the one who makes such a big deal about me ‘living my life again’ and when I finally start to, you crash my fucking date. The first date I’ve had in SIX YEARS LOGAN! SIX YEARS! Do you even get how monumental this was for me? And you’re fucking laughing right now?”

  Logan attempts to rein himself in by biting his cheek to not make it obvious. He’s used to my tantrums by now, but still. This is not a laughing matter. Granted, it wasn’t his idea to crash my date, but he could have insisted on leaving once he realized what Jax’s master plan was.

  I snap my mouth shut. I’m lashing out at the wrong person. My brother doesn’t deserve my wrath. I should be upset that they crashed my date, but I’m more upset that my plan didn’t work. I wanted Jax to be seething in jealousy and he couldn’t even give me that. No, that jerk was just messing with my head for his own amusement. Why did I have to fall for The God?

  Out in the corridor, the elevator doors slide open. Perfect timing.

  When Connor comes into view, I storm up to him, push him as hard as I can in his chest and snap, “YOU!”

  Connor eyes widen and he swallows loudly. “Yeah, I kind of deserve that.”

  I throw up my hands in frustration. “I don’t understand how you could possibly think it would be okay to crash my date . . . a date you talked me into.”

  “You talked her into going?” Jax’s demanding tone bounces off the walls as he comes to a stop next to Connor.

  I glare at the man that used to tell me all of his secrets. Jax shakes his head and continues to stroll into the in-home gym.

  “Really? You think you can just walk away from me after last night?” I demand as I follow him.

  He ignores me as he sets down his bag by the door. I can’t help but stare as he slides off his shirt and begins to stretch. If it’s a tactic to distract me, it almost works. The only reason it doesn’t is because I know we won’t be alone for long. I can’t allow Logan to notice anything between Jax and I. Jax is already punching the bag without his hands wrapped when Connor and Logan come in.

  I move towards Jax. “You really have nothing to say to me?”

  He doesn’t take his eyes off the black bag.

  “Fine!” I shout as I move in front of him, right as his clenched fist flies toward me.

  His fist freezes a breath away from my face. His gaze finally meets mine. I kind of wish he wasn’t looking at me anymore. He’s pissed. He grinds his teeth together. Logan and Connor are yelling at my stupidity, but I ignore them. I knew Jax would stop, he wouldn’t hurt me physically, no he saves his torture for the emotional games he plays with me.

  “WHAT THE FUCK IS A MATTER WITH YOU! I could have hit you!” he spits out as he pushes me out of the way.

  I shrug. “I got your attention.

  “Whatever,” he says under his breath and moves to do pull-ups.

  I hate that I have to force myself to be aloof around him. His muscles tighten with each lift, beckoning my eyes to follow the movement. I shake my head and march over to Connor and Logan who are doing crunches on the red mat.

  “I’m leaving.” I hover over them.

  Connor nods. “Jax has been in a weird mood all day, ignore him.”

  “Fully intend to.”

  Logan stands and hugs me. “I’ll pick you up at eight.”

  I look at him, confused. “Eight?”

  He and Connor sigh. “The ball.”

  “Right. Okay I’ll meet you in the lobby.”

  Crap, the stupid ball . . . the ball that I don’t have a dress for yet. The same ball that Jax will be attending. I swallow the unea
siness that is starting to take over. I do not want to see him tonight.

  I flip Jax off as I fling open the door. Just because I have to be nice to him tonight doesn’t mean I can’t get out all of my hostility now.

  “Wait, Ads,” he says as he rushes to his discarded bag. I ignore him.

  I stride out of the penthouse and towards the elevator, hoping that he doesn’t follow. He does. The doors slide open. I hit the ‘L’ button then repeatedly hit the ‘Close doors’ button. I sigh in relief when they shut in Jax’s stunned face. It isn’t until I’m outside, breathing fresh air, that I realize he was bearing a white box in his hand. Whoops, I hope that wasn’t an apology. Too late to find out.

  “Ads! Wait!” he shouts, out of breath, as he storms outside where I’m trying to hail a cab.

  Crap!

  “What do you want?” I ask without turning around.

  He steps around me. “This is for you.”

  By the time I glance up from the white box in my hands to Jax, he’s gone, running back inside. Leaving me. Typical. I shake my head as I open it. I gasp when I see the most beautiful mask I’ve ever seen, in the most vibrant turquoise I have laid eyes on. Shades of gold, blues, and green twirl around the entire mask with a gold trim. Satin ribbon of the same shades weave together along the top of the mask. The deep blue feathers above the right eye remind me of the ocean. Without even putting it on, I know how well it will complement my complexion.

  It’s absolutely perfect.

  I close the lid, cradle the box in my arm, and I lift my free hand. A cab stops in front of me. As the taxi waits in New York traffic, I send a thank you via text to Jax. He doesn’t respond. For some reason, I open the lid again. It isn’t until I take the mask out that I see the note.

  You’re so full of crap. Good thing I think ahead and knew you wouldn’t remember the ball tonight to save your life.

  Leave it to Jax to give me such a romantic gift and ruin it with a simple note. I can picture him in his office writing the note with a smug smile.

  As soon as the car pulls up to the curb, I sprint into my building and jump in the cold shower, with only one thought: finding the perfect dress to match the more than perfect mask Jax bought me.